I am happy. I am in love. I am whole.
Updated: Jan 13
My abortion story starts with a deeply rooted insecurity and depression that had engulfed me ever since returning from spending two years serving abroad with the United States Peace Corps. Men hadn’t treated me the best before my time with the Peace Corps and during my time there, the situation worsened. I came back to Utah feeling that sex was my only way of receiving attention and love from men. I became somewhat promiscuous and didn’t make the best choices when it came to my dating partners.
I had been dating one of these bad choices for a couple months when I found out that I was pregnant. We had attempted a less effective birth-control method which obviously failed. I was 25 years old, working a dead-end job, and struggling immensely with depression and poor mental health. I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep for days. This is not the way I had ever wanted to react to that situation.
The bad choice and I had already ended things (I had blocked him through all forms of contact) so I had to reach out to him on Facebook messenger to tell him the news. I had known from the beginning he wouldn’t be there for me, or for a child. He could hardly be there for himself. I knew what I had to do. Even though I’d always been pro-choice, I never thought I’d have to make the decision for myself and by myself. I never thought that I would be at such a low point in dating that I would put aside my own self-worth and make reckless choices. I agonized over the decision for days but eventually made my appointment with the Planned Parenthood in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah. I went with the surgical procedure and my mom was there alongside me the whole way. I was barely able to convince the bad choice to pay for half. Everything went smoothly and I was released that same day. I felt immense relief and have been incredibly careful about my sexual choices ever since that whole experience. I have also been consistently working on my self-worth and battling my insecurities.
The poor choice eventually told me later that I was the second girl he had gotten pregnant that was resulting in an abortion, almost like he was proud of it. We haven’t spoken in years. To this day, I do not regret my decision. Neither of us were in a place to raise a child and I worried even about the health of my own womb to properly nurture a growing being – considering where I was at mentally.
I currently don’t have any children but I have plans to eventually. I am now very much in love with my husband, the man who I know is right for me and who will be an incredible father when we are both ready. I’m 31 and I’m living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am happy. I am in love. I am whole. I am healing to become the best parent I can be. Without the resources of Planned Parenthood, I don’t know where my life would be. I will fight every day and even share this very personal story in order to keep those resources available to individuals everywhere.